BOYZ R SO LYK DUMB!!!!!!! [A Ranting Matter]

Happy Friday guys.

So I could probably go on to make hundreds of blogs about the stupid shit that some idiotic women post on the internet, but one little "Myspace Chain Story" I found let's me hit several different points that I'd like to make. I wasn't sure how to break this down but I figured I'd just post the original little "story" and just leave my comments along the way. The original chain message will be in blue text while my incredibly frustrated replies will be in [red text with brackets].

Let's go along then shall we? Here it is:


Girl: Hey

Boy: Hey

GIrl: can i tell you something?

Boy: What?

Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in love with you.

Boy: Ok...

Girl: What do you mean 'ok'?

Boy: I don't like you like that...

Girl: Why not?

Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time...

From then on, the girl kept asking the boy 'Why not?' whenever she saw him, and
he kept answering the same answer of 'I'll tell you later.' Finally the girl got
fed up.

[Of course she didn't leave the fucking guy alone. Typical. When a guy says he doesn't like you, pestering the ever-loving shit out of him isn't going to change his mind. It will most likely make him want to punch you in the teeth for not taking a hint and buzzing off. But remember people, the girl is supposed to be the hero in this bullshit tale so let's see what else she does...]

Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why you don't like me!

[Oh dear God. I knew from the start this chick was an annoying bitch. I'm starting to wonder whether this was actually an early draft of something Stephanie Myer wrote. *sigh* Again, pouting like a little 11-year-old may make other mindless girls feel sorry for her, but not me. THE GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU. GIVE UP. GET A FUCKING LIFE DUMBASS.]


Boy: Do you really wanna know why?

Girl: Yes!

Boy: It's because you're uglier than ****! What's the point of going out with someone when they're not pretty?!

Girl: But... I...

Boy: Just shut up and leave me alone! 

[AAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAAAA! BURNED! Shouldn't have kept bothering him you dumbass, then maybe he wouldn't have snapped. ] 

The boy leaves and the girl is sitting there alone, crying her heart out. Then her cell phone rings.

Girl: Hello?

Mom: Sweetheart? I want you to go home, ok? I'll be home from work in a few hours.

Girl: Alright Mom.

Mom: I love you.

Girl: I love you too, Mom.

Mom: Bye Bye.

Girl: Bye

The girl heads home and once she got there, she went in the bathroom and looked
at herself in the mirror.

Girl: I'm not pretty enough... 

[He denied you for weeks. He told you to your FACE he didn't like you. He told you you were an ugly bitch. And you are STILL OBSESSING OVER WHAT THIS GUY THINKS. Cry harder emo girl, your low self-esteem is more hilarious than heart-breaking.] 


She set to work, knowing fully well what she was going to do. 2 hours later, her
Mom came home and heard the bath water running. She went upstairs to find the
hallway flooded so she knocked on the door. 

[Aside of the whole flooding thing, I assumed that the girl had gone through all this trouble giving herself a makeover. You know, makeup, new clothes, new hairstyle? Or she could've taken the alternate route where she just said "lolwtfever" and went along with her pathetic life not giving a shit.] 

Mom: Honey? Are you alright?

She opened the door and was shocked at the site. The bath was overflowing onto
the floor, and the water was tinted red. She walked over to see what was inside
and screamed. There, her little girl was lying with cuts all over her face and
wrists. Her Mom backed away and was going to run to call the police when
something caught her eye. On the mirror were these words written in blood: 'Am I pretty enough now?' 

[Should have fucking known this was going to take the emo tragedy route. OH GOD I FEEL SO SORRIEZ 4 HER CUZ SHE KILLDED HERSELF!!!!111 Are you fucking joking me? Let me get this shit straight--She MUTILATED HERSELF because some stupid guy didn't return her feelings and called her ugly? Am I supposed to feel...empowered as a woman because of this? Am I supposed to be like "YEAH BOYZ R DOUCHEBAGZ!!!!"? What a lovely way to promote self harm kids. Truly. I've been denied by guys too. You get the fuck over it and move on. End of story.]

 No one deserves to be told that by someone they love.


[They do if they're an irritating delusional bitch who obviously can't take "no" for an answer.]

A person's appearance doesn't count. What counts is their heart inside of them and their personality. No one wants to be told they're not good enough. 

[Maybe the guy just didn't fucking LIKE HER? She obviously had some serious issues so it's pretty understandable. Girls, don't ASSUME THE FUCK OUT OF EVERY SITUATION. Some people won't like you and some will. Don't over-analyze it and don't go all suicidal over it. This girl wasn't even in "love". She had a crush and/or was severely cockhungry. Just gtfo with this shit.]

I think I should just start writing my own Myspace/Facebook chain letters. Sadly, I don't think many people would like them. For example, here's one I would write now:

Girl: Hi

Boy: Sup

Girl: So umm...I kinda like you and maybe even...love you.

Boy: Uh, I only have you in like two class periods. We've talked like three times this year...

Girl: So, you don't love me back?

Boy: Well...no.

Girl: Oh...okay....

For the next few weeks the girl asked the boy ever single day why he didn't like her. She was overcome with sadness and depression and didn't know what to do. The boy, meanwhile, found himself agitated beyond belief and wanting nothing more than to rip out the girl's throat and never hear her shrill whiny voice again. He knew the next time she asked that he would snap.

Girl: WHY DON'T YOU LIKKEE MEEEEE????!!! ALL I EVER DO IS LOVE YOU AND YOU WON'T TELL ME WHYYY YOU CAN'T LOVE ME TOOOOO!!!!!!11111

Boy: BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING DUMB UGLY ASS ANNOYING COCKSUCKING FAT WHORE WHO IS SO STUPID AND IDIOTIC THAT HER SELF ESTEEM RELIES ON A GUY SHE BARELY KNOWS. WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE WHEN THEY'RE NOT A SENSIBLE HUMAN BEING?

The girl burst into tears and the boy walked away without giving two shits. Later that night the girl decided to be selfish towards her loving family and instead of getting over the situation she jumped off of a bridge. The family gave their attention to her less retarded sister. The world was a slightly better place. 

Send this to 10 people and you will be rewarded with the knowledge that you are a half-decent human being.

----

Peace out guys, comment if you'd like!

Best Mom In The World [A Ranting Matter]

So recently I got around to reading this news article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/09/human-barbie-boob-job-voucher_n_873705.html

In case you don't feel like wasting all of your precious energy to click on the link, it's basically about how Sarah Burge (a.k.a. the "Human Barbie Doll" woman who spent over $800,000 on plastic surgery) got her 7-year-old daughter what every mother gives their young child for their birthday: A voucher to get breast implants once she's 16. 

...

Are you fucking joking me?

 Don't mind me I'm just ruining my daughter's self-esteem lol.

Usually little girls get dolls or clothes or stuffed animals...not TITS. 

Wow mom! You're the best!

 

But what do you expect from the woman who is so insecure and delusional she's reduced herself to 10% human flesh and 90% silicon? I feel really bad for that poor child. I think her mother has been pumped with so much botox and plastic that it's killed a majority of her brain cells, and I'm assuming she didn't have that many to begin with.
Apparently this...creature's daughter begged her to get a boob job because quote: "I can't wait to be like Mummy with big boobs. They're pretty."
Fucking. Wow.
This woman has to be legally retarded. She already turns me off with all the shitty plastic surgery she's had done. One or two surgeries don't irk me as much, but this lady is the queen of over-indulgence (or Mindless Self Indulgence, if I want to throw a band reference in there). It amazes me how insecure you have to be to spend that much money on plastic surgery, not to mention pushing your fucked up ideals back on your kid. Why not set a good example and say, donate the money to charity? But of course, why feed thousands of hungry kids when you can get a new pair of headlights?

Starving kids? Yeah that's sad...but don't my boobs look great now?

As a beholder of beauty, I don't even like the way plastic surgeries come out most of the time. On girls and guys, I prefer natural looks. Besides, for a woman who spent over half a million bucks on surgeries she doesn't even look that good. Honestly, look at this bullshit:

I wouldn't even hit that with my car. She's disproportional and just...gross in my opinion. The most beautiful people I've ever seen were just blessed with natural beauty. This lady is trying too hard to be gorgeous and she's failing miserably in the process. We're all insecure about something whether we'd like to admit it or not. Even if I had the money to do so I wouldn't let a plastic surgeon near any of my physical "imperfections". This crazy person probably has her plastic surgeon on fuckin' speed dial. Her body would probably report her to the authorities for physical abuse if it could.

I know that some people get plastic surgery because of an accident that left them disfigured or something understandable like that, but when you're just a rich guy/girl who is obsessed with physical appearance then you need to get your mind in check. Most of the time they were fine before all the surgeries, but some people take the "lol i kno u think im pretty but i still think im ugilay" mindset to the extreme.  But whaddaya know, the world is full of fucked up people.

I'm out guys. Stay yourselves. 

The Peaceful Moments

Oh Jesus, this is terrible.
I'm so at peace with the world I can't even muster up enough rage to squeeze out another Ranting Matter blog. What is this blasphemy?
But I suppose since I feel this way, I could write something...positive.

*deep breath*

I guess I'll share a few things that could add a bit more peace and calm to your weary heads. Surprisingly, the ones I'm going to provide aren't violent or malicious at all. They actually sound like some crap you'd see on an AOL article titled: "Stressed? __ Ways To Relieve It Instantly". 

 

Don't forget the stock image of someone enjoying life more than you.

But yeah, let's just get this out of the way.

1. Light Some Candles

A lot of them. In a safe place, preferably. I personally LOVE CANDLES DAMMIT. I love fire and things that smell good, and when they're put together into waxy goodness it's just hard to resist. My room always smells amazing. Why? Because I always have a few candles lit. Luckily enough for me, all the free-roaming animals in the house pretty much despise me so I don't have to worry about them running into my room and knocking stuff over. Anyway, the smell of the candles and the flickering light they produce can have a calming effect on the brain. If you turn the lights off you can also have the wonderful experience of living by candlelight. I like to paint by candlelight, because it makes me feel like Leonardo Da Vinci or some shit.

   FUCK YEAH.

2. Take A Bath

I get it. This is literally on EVERY list that has to do with making yourself calm/happy/stress-free, but that's because it's true. Pretend you're a mermaid, cry your eyes out, have a bubble bath, I don't really care, just be in the freakin' bathtub while you're at it. You'll feel cleaner afterwards and there's nothing like feeling fresh. Truly. Listen to any rap song if you don't trust me.

3. Go For A Walk During The Day

You do know that there's a world outside of your house right? You know, where animals and other human beings live? Nature and all the crap? It's pretty cool, and it beats sitting inside all day. Go take a nice walk and take your iPod with you if you want. Just get out of the house and around your neighborhood. And I know I'm going to sound like some douchebag from a 1970's safety TV program, but be safe out there. Maybe it's just because I'm paranoid as a mofo when it comes to getting kidnapped, but I like to be smart when I go out alone (keep a cell on me, know where I am, being aware of my surroundings, etc.). 

4. Sit Outside During The Night

I like to sit on my porch at night sometimes and let my senses take me away. There's something about the atmosphere at night...the stars, the trees, the air. I like to listen to everything around me, and it may be something you would enjoy too. Unless you live in the ghetto or something, where the only ambiance you have are people screaming and/or sirens and gunshots. But if you live in the country or suburbs it's especially peaceful outside at night. Be careful if you're a bit skittish like I am. When I'm out at night and I hear a weird noise, I immediately assume I'm going to get killed. As hilarious as it is to others, to me it can be a bit distracting from my relaxing experience. By the way, don't EVER go out at night after you've watched a horror movie or played a scary video game. If you are like me, you WILL assume that every sound/sight/feeling is your impending doom. 

5. Give Yourself A Comfortable Environment

In harsher terms: Clean your living space dammit. I've grown to be a very clean and organized person, and I feel much better when I'm in places that are arranged to my liking. Make your bed, re-decorate your room, get rid of some clutter, anything! You'll feel better and it will give you something to do aside of moping around.

6. Read

[Insert elaboration here].

So those are my six ways, I hope they help out a little.

To close the blog, I want to just add on this little thing that I just found. As some of you may know, I practice Buddhism and my mother is also a Buddhist. Our religion centers around finding peace within yourself and with others in the most positive way possible. I also like to study many other religions and I recently found an interesting article about Buddhism here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/17/scientist-inspired-by-dal_n_577601.html

But what I wanted to make a note of was this part that reminded me of one of the reasons that I love Buddhism so much:

"Davidson said the Dalai Lama's commitment to science is remarkable for a religious leader of his stature, and notes that the Dalai Lama has said he is prepared to give up any part of Buddhism that is contradicted by scientific fact."

Uh, awesome? How many other major religions are so open to science like that? Not many. So yeah, being a science nerd I thought it was really cool that the religion is boss like that. Speaking of Buddhism, engaging in meditation and other Buddhist practices can be a really good stress-reliever as well. ;P

Peace!

Just An Update

I'm alive kiddies, just not blogging much as of late. Even the most plain of lives can become distracting I suppose.

Right now I'm listening to "Judas" by Lady Gaga and getting a hell of a lot of inspiration but of course--no motivation. Oh joy.

I've recently found out a curious little thing and I'm rather convinced now that we're all born in the wrong place, meant to go out and find our paths elsewhere. I don't think we were made to stay in one location. But how do you get out? Where do you go? Well, that's the deep philosophical shit you gotta figure out on your own kid.

Adios.

CANADA ROCKS

Right now I'm excited and pissed all at the same time.

Excited because I just found a cavalcade of AWESOMENESS.

And pissed because NOBODY EVER TOLD ME ABOUT IT.

So what the hell am I talking about anyway? Canadian. Music. No, I'm not referring to some weird folk music associated with whatever traditions spawn from that country. I'm talking about REAL MODERN DAY SHIT. Canada has some kickass bands and singers, and I'm about to share it with you lucky bastards. If you don't feel like reading the rest of this shitty blog, I've kindly put the names of the people you should look up in bold so that you can copypasta that shit into Youtube.

First girl I ran into was Shiloh. I was hooked onto her after hearing "Can't Hold On". If you like punk rocker chicks, she's for you. She's like the young Avril Lavigne (You know, back in her good days). Definitely look her up.

Next up was Theory of a Deadman. As soon as I saw their fuckin' name I knew they were going to be awesome. Turn out, they're fucking awesome. If you dig bands like Nickelback or Hinder or Buck Cherry, you're gonna love these guys. Rock and Roll bitches.

Next guys I found were Marianas Trench. They're a pop rock band, and pretty much run under the same formula that America's pop rock and punk bands do. Nonetheless, their tunes are catchy and fun to listen to. Check them out for sure.

Hedley was another band I found, but I swear I'd heard their song "Perfect" somewhere...Ah well, they kick ass too. I could easily listen to their stuff all day. They're a pop rock band as well.

Faber Drive brings more great music to the Alternative Rock genre. You'll be going crazy for these guys as well, and I can't help but sit and wonder WHY I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THESE BANDS BEFORE????!!!!

Ahem.

Ten Second Epic. They're cool too and JESUS CHRIST THERE ARE SO MANY BANDS. 

IT'S LIKE

IT'S LIKE

I FOUND ANOTHER COUNTRY OR SOME SHIT

.____.

Fuck it I'll just make a list from here on.

LIGHTS
Stereos  
The Latency
Cinder Road
Suzie McNeil
Danny Fernandes
Neverest

If I find more, I'll add em and put a little * by it.
But for now, let's wrap this up with a little THEORY OF A DEADMAAAANNNNN

 

Rambling Along

Orange Juice, a fan, a candle, and a copy of "Water for Elephants". These are the relaxing friends that keep me company at the moment. Sadly, they accompany me inside of a not-so-relaxing place; my house. If I could choose to be somewhere else it would be inside of a coffee shop. A quaint business where the employees know who I am and what I want to drink. Glasses on, a book poised in my hands and the tinkling of dishes in my ear...That would be lovely.

But of course, I won't be inside of a dreamy coffee shop living my fanciful fantasy anytime soon. So I'll just sit here, reading and craving those wonderfully sweet-and-spicy peperoncinis (or Greek Peppers, if you're not fancy like me). 

At this point, I've gone brain-dead. I felt all insightful and intelligent while reading but then I just lose it. I should just try to release some anxiety about it.

LKSAJDLKJSADOWQIJKDFLDSNJJAKSJDLKJASDKJAWOIREJQWJEIODIASOIDA:I

Finger seizure. Works every time.

I took a short break from reading my great novel to research more about Chimerism in humans. Chimerism is a genetic defect where two embryos fuse together and go on to develop a person who has two different genetic make-ups in one body. Basically, a human chimera is someone who carries the DNA of two different people. What's creepy is that this "other person" could have been a twin or sibling who passed away in the womb, and you absorbed their DNA. Your dead sister could be living inside of you...watching...waiting... 

So in actuality, maybe I'm not a pessimistic douche. Perhaps I was once the sweetest and quietest little girl you'd ever met, but then my bastard ass evil twin started screwing with my DNA and made me into the stupid jerk I am today. Huh...I'll just use that as an excuse from now on.

What's that? I made a racist remark about you? No good sir, you've got it all wrong! It was my sister you see, her evil genetic soul inhabits my body and has a thing against black folks. No biggie.

...I see it working perfectly.

I don't think that Chimerism has anything to technically do with your mind itself (that's more MPD) but it sounds cooler to think of it that way. But I wonder...Being half black and half white myself, maybe I truly do have two racial sides. People like to equate my positive aspects with my white side and my negative ones with my black side (which is pretty racist when you think about it). Which, I still don't understand. When I get angry, I don't act like a black woman and start squabbling grammar-less nonsense. If anything, I'm a pissy cynical white guy when I'm angry. When I'm happy I don't really see a race in that. I'm just happy. But who knows, I may or may not be part of a dead black and/or white sister. 

I can feel the unsettling thoughts.

Since we're already on a disturbing topic, I might as well mention Alien Hand Syndrome. Yeah, I get it. "Wtf do you be reading Michelle?". I read often dammit, don't question what I happen to come across.

Anyway, AHS (Alien Hand Syndrome) is where a person's hand seems to act independently of its owner. For example, your hand could randomly grab things and throw them across the room without you having any control over it. So let's hope that your hand doesn't have a sense of humor anything like myself, because if I was a hand I would totally flip off that burly truck driver who just passed and then laugh in my hand-brain while you get your ass beat.

So yeah, people with this have had their hands do crazy shit. Your hand can even attack you. I really feel sorry for people with this syndrome, because that honestly has to suck. Imagine driving and your dickheaded hand decides to swerve your car the other way. Or even imagine your hand reaching into your swimming trunks at the family pool party and pulling out your junk for the whole family to see.

Yep. AHS sucks. And your hand is forever a troll.

In other news, I'd like to get back to my reading now. I have two novels to finish reading and another one to write. That is, if my evil dead sister doesn't just go ahead and take control of my body and go on an angry dead-fetus rampage.

NAVY SEAAAAALLLLLLSSSSS!!!! [Osama Bin Laden: Eliminated]

Yesterday the Most Wanted Terrorist in the world, Osama Bin Laden, was killed by U.S. Navy SEAL's. The news struck a chord with people from many places but none more than the United States. After ten years of one long ass hide-and-go-seek game, we got the man we'd been searching for.

The elimination of Bin Laden is a great success, but it doesn't reverse the evils of what has already been done. While it is true that his death doesn't bring back the people who have died at the hand of him and his followers, I can't help but feel a swell of pride in the success of our capture. I'm proud of our military and intelligence agencies. I'm proud to be a part of this country. To be honest, I'm not celebrating the death of Bin Laden. I feel more pride and exuberance in another successful mission done by our military. I wish to acknowledge not the fact that Osama is dead, but the fact that we truly do have some amazing men and women out there working within our military.
 
The event sparked my interest once more in the work of our military. It reminded me that our soldiers perform dangerous and intricate tasks like these almost everyday in order to ensure the safety of our nation and of our allies. Not only that, but we perform such tasks in the most badass ways possible.

 

You know that shit you do in Call of Duty? Yeah, they do it in real life.

Honestly, reading about the way the Osama Search-and-Destroy mission went down sounds like something straight out of a movie or video game level. Here's how it played out basically:

Thanks to information collected by the CIA, NSA, and other American Intelligence agencies (as well as useful aid from Pakistan) we were able to pinpoint the location for our military team to strike. Careful planning and training for the operation went into place months prior to the actual assignment. On May 1st Obama gave the green light to execute the operation.

Cutscene over. Mission start.  

DEVGRU Navy SEAL's, with the support of Spec Ops Command and several aircraft, fast-roped down from two Black Hawk helicopters into the compound where Bin Laden was located. The SEAL's engaged in a firefight with Bin Laden's guards and successfully neutralized them. It was then time to search the building.

They cleared out every room and eventually found Osama on the third floor. One fatal head-shot later, the terrorist was dead. The SEAL's also killed one of his sons and two of his couriers, along with 22 other men (some who may or may not have been detained) and one innocent bystander. But the mission wasn't over yet.

The soldiers swept the compound for information, taking along any intelligence they could find for further examination. Once that was finished, they collected Osama's body and prepared for extraction. 

One team had to call in one of two backup helicopters in order to leave. Earlier on, one of their helicopters experienced mechanical difficulties and had to make an emergency landing. Upon leaving the mission site, the damaged helicopter was destroyed in order to protect classified equipment. Perhaps a flaw, but what would make a more kickass cutscene than our heroes flying off from a successful mission with an explosion in the background?

Nothing.

Oh, and did I mention that none of our men were seriously injured or killed?

Now proceed to listen to this: